today’s reflection ~ and a dream

i had an interesting dream last night. i am remaining neutral on it as i know outside influence is still a possibility. it involved a character (male) i have seen in my dreams on rare occasions going back 30 years. he is always young – and looks like someone from my childhood school days. he first made an appearance in my 20’s and i felt he was wanting to show me something – guide me to a new creation. he stuck around in my dreams until i met my mate.

last night he came through again. it was a kitchen scene – the sun was shining through the windows – it was actually quite beautiful. felt like a gathering – i could hear and feel others in surrounding rooms. my mate was there with me – and the three of us talked a bit. this male character then began sharing information (which i cannot recall – it was more feeling/telepathic sharing) and i got excited as i said “you’re talking about the event!” the scene ended.

the longing for new only increases. tribal connection. home. real sense of family and friends. i am overly done with being the “weird one in the room”. i did not come here to fit in – obviously. and i am ok with that. what i am struggling to “be ok with” is not having that tribe/circle – that sense of BELONGING. that’s the term. i long for a sense of BELONGING. enough of this nonsense fake pretend crap. enough of the looks when i present myself AS I AM. the feel in my most inner self is I AM DONE WITH THIS EXPERIENCE. holding pattern i feel i am in. at the end of the diving board. the end of the road. let the doorway to the new open.

for all who wish to move on.