Well – not everything – but definitely just many things.
Trump – “do you miss me yet?”
No.
No – I don’t miss “you”.
What I MISS is my freedom I once had at some point before all of this mess was allowed to infiltrate and take over.
The fact that this was allowed to happen since last November – the idea that “it had to be this way” – isn’t sitting well with me today.
Gas prices well over $3/gallon now.
Prices on homes – O M G now.
So we had to go further into HELL before getting out?
WHO GOT TO DECIDE THAT?
My girl still hasn’t had any of her activities resume and her (what I am now calling former) friends parents are still not allowing for play dates because they’re still afraid of the g.d. china virus…
I had a sign in my front window I put up last March 2020: EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK.
I tore it down today. Ripped it up.
Now the new sign says “Everything IS ok.”
I command it.
Thankfully our neighbors girl is going to be ok with some p.t. and assistance. She will heal. (did any of you see this? if so I hope you sent out intention and continue to do so – these are wonderful people – without their kindness and their awesome kiddos our girl would have had no one outside of this house in which to play with)
So…..it seems to me evil is being allowed to do what it wants as we end their control. Again – WHO said this is ok? Even if they aren’t getting their full playbook – they’re still poking and causing havoc. WHERE IS OUR PROTECTION? The kind of real protection that STOPS their crap before it filters into any of our lives.
We woke up this morning – tv was busted. We keep trying to save money and put it aside but hey – the matrix happens doesn’t it?
My dreams last night were interesting. I was walking around in back of many people – most of them from my past – smacking them all on the backs of their heads (they were sitting down – all of them). I had some words for them as well. It felt really good and I felt very empowered – saying the words I wish I had said at the time. All of these people who used me – bullied me – when I was there for them – liking them – loving them – being their friend. Trusting, I was – which in this realm of fake will get you traumatized until you learn that fully opening your heart to others is not a good idea – especially when you have no one who has your back when you get hurt. I honestly don’t think I have ever had anyone have my back – fully. You know – when someone is causing you harm – and everyone sits back and observes. I can count on one hand the times when someone has stood up for me – and oh how wonderful it feels. We ALL need that at times. That’s what love does. Oh my goodness – one situation in college – my boyfriend at the time threw me into a door. All of my friends left – then wrote me after the fact saying they left as they felt it was “none of their business”. I was stunned. Wasn’t I their personal business when I was getting harmed?
Apparently not. That is the level of people I have attracted (and the whole “when you love yourself you attract different” – that is just nonsensical new age b.s. – I have ALWAYS come to the aid of those being harmed or bullied. A L W A Y S. I stand up – speak up and out – defend – offer help. I’ve gone up against women and men – young and old. This is Who I Am and while I may not be perfect and have my own definite faults – this is a trait I am very proud of having and I wish to all there is ALL would hold it and BE it. In fact, if all would own it we wouldn’t have nearly the situation we have today.)
I recently reconnected with some people in my past who, at the time, they were like family. Adopted parents, you could say. Reconnecting – I was excited – happy – uplifted. The response I received was neutral.
I. Don’t. Get. That.
And it brought me right back to what I have felt since being here: I don’t matter to most people. I never did.
When people say “don’t concern yourself with what other people think about you – most of them aren’t even giving you a thought.”
That is not who I am. I think about others I care about – often. The voice in my heart wants there to be a connection – wants there to be more. I spend time thinking about that – probably too much time but that is just Who I Am. I want to know WHY they cannot return the love in the same way?
And now – to realize the people I thought cared about me just as much as I once did – to know they aren’t really interested – ok are NOT interested in me now or my life – just f’ing hurts.
So I realized in my dream last night – the problem wasn’t with ME – it was with THEM. People plugged into the matrix – not aware of where they were much less where WE are or what kind of a world we are in. There was never anything “wrong” with me back during my youngest years. It was the matrix and those who are either bots/projections/ai and/or just so plugged in – they cannot see R E A L light – which was me (and still is).
Are they even human?
WHO HERE IS HUMAN?
So….today the experience is hurtful. I cannot keep the pain in. I am hurt. I am angry. Self-soothing continues.
As far as T – perhaps this was the only way as I realize any other way could have lead to more harm. I just don’t understand WHY there has to be so much harm now – the harm that continues – when we are supposed to be WINNING. Or perhaps I don’t “get” war because I don’t in ANY WAY understand evil and its motivation to create endless harm.
I’m going to need a lot of healing after this is all over. Going it alone – shoot – I don’t feel we’re supposed to be self-healing alone.
Love,
******
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