Category: Daily Notes

 

editor victoria’s comment ~ i’ve been having the desire to re-read this one and post it again. originally posted in september of 2016, you can say it is the post that really launched this site for, even though it wasn’t my first one, it is the post that put my site on the radar.  the message came to me one evening where i was having one of my “I AM DONE” moments.  reading this again tonight – i was a bit surprised that i felt as intensely as i did back then and how i continue to hold that inner feeling experience.  it simply will not “leave” me – for it is my truth.

i pause as i realize how much more “awakening” i was to undergo.  how many more rabbit holes i would venture into and how my perception of this realm and my experience in it has expanded.  i have grown into more of Me.

so once again – for those who have not yet read it and for those who have been with me since the beginning – here is the repost of what is probably my most favorite and popular piece.

love,

victoria

******

Let me begin by saying I am uncomfortable using the term “starseed”.  It implies that I am somehow better than most other humans – that I am somehow more special.  Or needed.  However, I use the word nonetheless because for as long as I can remember in this particular incarnation in this particular physical vessel, I have felt like I belong somewhere else.  Even though I believe and feel I have lived many lifetimes on earth, I am in some way from another planet.  Over the years I have had the thought “Where I come from we don’t do that” – a thought I especially began to experience a couple of years back.  Just where is this “where?”

I have no idea.  But I do know I have lived elsewhere.  And I also feel I decided to leave my paradise behind (paradise compared to earth) and go on an adventure – that adventure being to liberate the people of earth from the darkness that took over many thousands of years ago.  Along with liberating the people was the agenda of bringing earth back into the Galactic Universe of other peaceful, paradise-like planets.  At the time, I was totally up for the challenge.  I felt I could handle it.

Today though is a different story.  In a nutshell, I am fucking weary.  I have come to this planet so many times to help awaken humanity.  With each previous life recall I had nothing but struggle.  I was attacked by a bear.  Got killed during a bloody battle.  Stoned for being out in public as a mix-raced young woman.  Drowned at sea attempting to escape an arranged marriage with a beast who only cared about money and power.  And in my previous incarnation, I was raped by a priest, forced into an abortion and died on the operating table.  So I feel pretty assuredly and strongly when I say that being human in third dimensional reality is fucking hell compared to the higher dimensional planet’s.

But I keep coming back.  I believe along the way I got trapped in the reincarnation loop, which I believe is simply another extension of the Matrix.  What a wickedly ugly brilliant system to keep us returning – load us up with false light telling us we must have a life review then return to even out our karmic debt – this following a lifetime of systemic brainwashing by schools and religions and government and culture and family and friends that ensures we are obedient to whoever the designated master is all but reassures a quick return to this reality.

Thankfully we the Starseeds began to remember just Who We Are again.  And we returned to this place for just one last show – one last chance – to awaken the masses- only this time, our brother and sister star families, along with the Sun and energies coming from the center of our own Galaxy – are helping us make sure we get it right.  In a nutshell, this is the last time we’re doing this show.  Our final appearance.

That being said however, this girl is tired of trying to awaken the masses.  I am fed the fuck up with sharing the truth from my heart only to be dismissed, ignored, abused.  I am no longer under any illusion that other dimensional beings, who are intent on keeping us enslaved and trapped in this bullshit most of us call the Matrix, have been working through other humans throughout this lifetime (if not my previous incarnations as well) to keep me down, afraid and silent.  For while in this incarnation it worked.  I was bullied and teased relentlessly as a child and except for my room, I had no safe place.  I had no one I trusted enough to share my heart, my fears.  I learned that when I did speak up, I was usually not believed.  Anxiety set in at a young age and by the time I was in my 20’s, panic and agoraphobia were more or less the norm.  There was a bonus to this though as working outside of my home was just not possible – at least for the long term.  This gave me plenty of extra time to think and be – alone – in silence.  It was during this time my inner voice found a place to speak.

And speak she did.  Wow!  Suddenly I was questioning everything.  Religion.  Politics.  School systems.  Culture.  I dove into books on Spirituality.  That was a good start – but it wasn’t enough.  I was remembering slowly Who I Really Am.  I became fascinated with the paranormal, metaphysics, ufo’s and aliens.  Along the way I took up past life regression and began having these experiences that felt completely real to my body.  Some of the memories were so traumatizing, my entire body would shake.  One experience left me in near hysterics where I literally went someplace else in my mind and memory space and once I had experienced enough, I “returned” to my physical body where I felt like a metal door literally slammed shut in my mind and the memory was immediately gone.

9/11 sparked my next level of awakening.  I even had a premonition of the event the day before.  It was only days after that I began questioning the story we were being told.  I shared my concern with those in my life, and it was then that I really saw how even family can turn against you when you awaken.  I got it in spades with politics, religion and social issues.

In time I realized I needed to get my word out to the public so I did what most of us do – I started a blog.  I kept it going for several years before life decided to bring me my beautiful child.  However, not even the awesome responsibility of being a mama could stop me from my pursuits of knowing the Truth.  All I can say is thank god for the internet for it has given so many of us not only the chance to share our message with a massive audience, but it has also allowed people like me (more or less introverted with travel issues) to have a voice in this Awakening/Ascension experience.

My energies to share kept up at a good pace.  I was able to, more or less, handle it when others would question me or dismiss me.  Having a social media page, I got used to people removing me from their little lists of “people i am such good friends with”.  Whatever.  Good way to weed out the wheat from the chaff.

However, I don’t know if it’s these energy waves coming in changing me, forcing me to deal with my own shit and purging or if it’s my age – or both – but wow – am I weary of this journey. I am weary of this “awakening the masses” shit I took upon myself.  I know what I want.  I have known what I want for myself, for my mate and now most importantly for my child and I want it NOW instead of later.

“Be patient,” we are told – quite often by channelers of higher dimensional beings who have no fucking CLUE what it’s like to live on this planet in these bodies.  Patient?  Really?  When we have been coming to this planet for thousands of years we are being told to be patient?  Talk about false light matrix bullshit.

I want to know where these star families are.  It isn’t enough anymore that I have seen their ships or had dreams and experiences of being with them.  IT  ISN’T  ENOUGH.  Not anymore.  I have read where we must ALL rise together to the new earth.

Why?  Sorry but at this point if you are not awakened – no – if you are UNWILLING to awaken with all of the insanity and chaos and lies and corruption played out every damn day for all to see – then guess what?  You can stay behind.

It’s like I and those of you like me have been on a very very very long road trip and at the very least we want a vacation, at the most we want the finish line.  We DESERVE that.  We have done work most aren’t strong enough to handle.  We have risked our reputations, relationships, finances and the like to bring our messages here.  And again (signaling the choir) – WE ARE TIRED AND DONE.

Let us manifest this paradise on earth now.  We can do it.  Let us stop focusing so much of our energies in sharing our messages with the masses and instead focus on what we want and KNOW we can have it. NOW.  Thoughts create, right?  And these energies coming in are said to help us manifest “faster”.  Let’s stop falling for this “we must be patient” chanting.  You know the saying – unless you are walking in my shoes you cannot tell me how to think/feel/believe/do.  We aren’t children, after all.

I feel many of you can relate to this.  I think even though most of us seem to be scattered throughout the planet (this sucks at times doesn’t it?), I also believe energetically we can feel each other.  So let’s join together.  We can do this.

Are you with me?

***

I realize this piece was like listening in to a counseling session or reading the private pages of a personal journal.  I wrote it to not only share my feelings of how truly tired and weary I am much of the time these days, but to also validate the feelings I know many of you are feeling.  In my quiet times, I still feel that love for humanity.  I still have moments where I want to share my Truth (although that is waning – obviously).  I feel the pain of our sufferings.  I want ALL of us to awaken and rise together.  But life keeps showing me this isn’t necessarily going to be the case.  I do not want my precious child to experience the same world I and her daddy have.  All of the little ones deserve so much better – we all do.  It is long past time for each one of us to not only have this feeling on occasion but to hold it in our hearts daily and walk that inner talk.

 

a brief – but powerful experience….

i was getting the table put together for dinner.  the radio was on.  as i walked out of the room to tend to something else, david bowie’s “let’s dance” came on.  i used to love that song but knowing what i do now, i’m not such a fan.  the song continued and when it came to “put on your red shoes…” i felt something within my core – stopped – and said “NO.  i will not listen to this song.  i don’t allow it in my space.” i turned to head back into the kitchen to turn it off but something strange happened – the song stopped and there was silence.  i started to ask my girl if she turned off the radio (she hadn’t) but before i could, a new song began to play.

there you go.

love,

victoria

 

 

Today was very busy – with some beauty and strangeness mixed in.  It began with my girl and I returning to an estate sale we had gone to yesterday.  The woman who put it together was clearing out some of her mother’s items.  Her mom had died weeks before after living a long, active life for 101 years.  I didn’t know this until after-the-fact but while walking through the house, I kept sensing an elderly woman’s presence.

At this sale, there was a vintage doll my girl really wanted.  I told her she could have it but she had to use her own money.  It was a bit out of her price range so I asked if there would be markdowns the next day.  Yes, there would be 50% off today.  So we decided to return.

Well upon returning we noticed the doll was gone.  The woman running the sale saw it and said she was sorry – a woman had come first thing and bought it.  There was some disappointment of course but she had a couple of other things in mind to buy, so she purchased those items and we left.

A few hours later there was a phone call from the woman who ran the estate (I had given her my number as she had said she had some more vintage dolls she would like to give to our girl – but had to look for them).  She said the woman who bought the doll did not “feel right” about having it – something kept bothering her so she decided to return it and it was ours if our girl still wanted it – which of course she was (considering the pitch and volume of the squeal that came out of her that was confirmation).

The doll was meant for my girl and how it transpired was quite beautiful.  “Best day EVER” she said.  I could feel the Divine Hand in this one.  Chills.  I said to the daughter it may be possible her mother helped with this and she smiled and said yes it would not surprise her if that were the case.

I could feel how “close” we are now energetically to that realm.  Call it Heaven.  Home.  It felt very “close”.

Later this evening we had dinner with some wonderful people/friends.  Both of our girls are “best friends forever” and I love talking with the mama.  In time Brother Rick sent a text.  My phone was in my purse and I didn’t look at it until I went inside to get some more delicious food.  I noticed something – I felt like I slipped from one realm to another – energetically.  Like being in one reality and going into another.  Like I said – I really like these people – but they don’t speak of things like Q and Home and the event – which really are about the only things I really want to talk about.  So seeing his text was like this feeling of  “home thank you!”  Not that I was having a bad time – I was enjoying myself.  But I still didn’t feel I could be fully ME 100%, you know?  Yeah, I know you all know that.  I long for full connection and feeling like I don’t have to “red pill” (an offensive term to me anymore but it’s the best description) – but i can just share and have it all be in alignment.  So…..I went from one experience to another energetically – immediately.  Just knowing he sent me a text – sent me his energy in that text – was enough.

That being said,  I didn’t really get a chance to feel into his text until we returned home where he essentially said he felt he could now slip in and out of the matrix quickly.  He felt the end and beginning were playing out at the same time now.  And…….He could feel the “no time” experience.

After returning home, when I got online after awhile, one of the first things I read was this (by Amanda Lorence):  “WAYSHOWERS:  It feels we are in a space…of NO TIME.Incoming Energy INFLUX is still on going. I feel it won’t stop either, (click here to read the rest).

So there you go……”no time” – twice – in about 2 hours.

For the past 2 days massive waves of energy have entered our realm and they are not from the Sun (unknown origin is what more mainstream types have said).  Big things are up – changing.  Transforming.  I can feel this one deep within “ma bones”.

Love,

Victoria

******

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our city is declining – quickly.  anyone else noticing the breakdown of society resulting from pay to live is accelerating?  it’s almost epidemic-like now.  exploding.  homeless are literally showing up everywhere around town.  campers along the side of the roads.  tents in parking lots.  drug camps are mixed in with this population leaving needles, garbage and a lot of human waste behind in the alley ways, all along the rivers, streams, woods and public parks.

it is beyond disheartening.  emotions range from sadness to fear to anger and disgust. people forgotten – lost – no longer care.  i understand that feeling experience.

city government has allowed this to happen.  police do the best they can but are stymied by elected officials and their policies.  we have social media pages now of private citizens addressing this issue.  there was a public meeting on this last night and our elected officials simply opted to create an oversight committee to look at addressing the problem.  a laughable joke as the awakened locals know our government is brilliant at spending millions on coming up with solutions on paper but those solutions DO NOT MANIFEST.  it was actually a campaign slogan of one of the people who ran for mayor last year.  we have a friend who is a city employee and even though he isn’t a fan of Trump, he admitted in a moment of passion as he expressed his outrage with the city, “I understand why the people elected Trump.  They were sick of the lies and wanted change!”

Many of the homeless are mentally ill.  You could say we are like other sanctuary cities – scattered “skid rows” throughout.

If this plan and cleaning up is going to continue on into the upcoming months and even year – we won’t have much of a city much less country left.  Certainly not the west coast and other sanctuary states.

It is mind boggling – the evil of the swamp creatures who would not only allow for this to happen but to create policies that enabled it.  These beings aren’t human.  No heart.  Purely robotic at this point.

Part of me wants to stay here and help.  And yet I know how exhausted I am. I don’t have it in me to fight much – not like I did in the past.  So most of me wants to come up with the funds somehow to pack up and move away so I can find and live in a peaceful, supportive community.  Bury my head in the sand?  Perhaps, yes.  Just like one can only take so much stress from the system, one can also take in so much sadness and disgust.

I pause – ponder – reflect.  About 15 years ago I had the desire to create a trust fund and when I would see someone in need of help in any way that required money, I would write them a check.  Naive?  Perhaps for I know some say you can’t fix a problem with money.

And yet, quite often, it is money that creates the conditions that lead people into homelessness.

What else is there to say.  Witnessing this breakdown is an unnecessary horror show.  There is no purpose.  No point.  Allowed to happen.  If ever there were a “point” when the program needs to end, it is indeed now.  Snap ALL awake and flood the skies with the frequency of Love.

That is all.

V.

 

 

 

today i am feeling in the exact same space as i was 10 years ago – at a standstill as to what to do next with my life.  10 years ago this time also happens to be when i had that “close encounter” with what felt like, at the time, to be a visit from family from Home.  i had no words for it – and no conscious knowledge of new earth, the event, etc.  just an experience where i was told “see you soon”.

soon.  …..  deep breath…..

i made a couple of new choices today.  try try again, right?  i had this thought that if i came out (around here that is) and said i am a non-binary, gender neutral unicorn identifying immigrant from guatemala i would have a plethora of help and assistance.  not really exaggerating either.  where help and compassion is tossed these days by the general public – system included – is disheartening.

so a lot of deep breathing mixed with crying today.  i’ve asked a local massage therapist if she would be willing to let me make payments or engage in barter.  my body is really screaming at me now to get this taken care of.  and the list of medical needs my mate needs addressed is just overwhelming at this point.  his eye surgery alone only pays 80% (cataract removal).  i just, you know?  feel trapped in a cage.

onward i go – as always….and some day, as i continue to say, i will no longer need to address this.

love,

victoria

 

This is getting old.  Energetically – old.

The divide.

I get the idea of the plan.  I see the purpose of exposing ALL and holding those who controlled and deceived accountable.

What I don’t support are these huge ego’s on both sides who think they are right and the other side – wrong.

For example – I regularly see many who do support Trump think every word muttered by the left has absolutely no value or merit.

Take the topic of free college.  What’s the problem with that?  Or free health care?  I don’t want socialism because I don’t want government telling me what to do and how to live.  However the concepts of free – can’t we discuss this?  Can’t it be time to dive into the concept that pay to live at any level is enslavement and denies one the Freedom to BE and DO.

Religion and abortion are still creating divides.  Want to practice your religion?  Fine.  Just don’t push it on others.  Against abortion?  Don’t have one and be willing to SEE how compromised we have been here.  Birth control is pathetic and with these compromised/altered bodies, we have lost the ability to control our own fertility.

Then there’s the gay/lesbian/transgender dialogue.  I don’t care what people do with their bodies.  I don’t care who you or anyone else chooses to love or with whom you have sex (in so long as it’s consensual and of an adult age).  Yes, I know there’s an agenda.  I know about the human and animal DNA put into vaccines.  I know about the hormones in the water.  I know the push to “accept all without question”.  I know the horrid push to sexualize our children and expose them to situations that were once for adults only.  It’s sick.

We are all still PEOPLE – regardless of what gender we identify with.  We have all been victimized here and for many it’s just plain luck and divine grace they have not fallen victim to this whole trans-humanism agenda. Imagine the horror at really not feeling right in your own body?  Almost as challenging as not feeling right about existing in this realm.

Compassion is the only way to relish in the freedom coming.  Judging others isn’t fun – certainly not for the long term.  When we discount anyone simply because they are different – we close our hearts and remain in anger.

I’ve been as guilty as anyone else in all of this.  I am feeling more of a draw now to understand.  To see and listen.  And hear.  I am feeling the desire to see how every one of us has been victimized here – our perception of truth hijacked.  We have been programmed not to just be “sheep” but blind sheep.

All is being seen.  That’s creating a lot of chaos – in ourselves and being projected “out there”.  Our programs and the judgments in them – all being exposed.

Will the divide fade at some point?  I don’t know.  Both sides of (take your pick topic) are so busy shouting and pushing their perspective, they can’t hear the other side.  Today my girl and I watched a little house on the prairie episode.  The community was torn over the installation of a church bell.  The Oleson’s wanted to donate the bell and have a plaque erected in their honor. Some were for that idea – others adamantly opposed.  The refusal to listen or come up with a compromise kept the divide going for weeks.  It then took one man – a craftsman – and the towns children to come up with an idea – make their own bell.  The children gathered up tin and other metals while the craftsman melted it down, poured it into a mold and installed it.  That act of kindness softened the hearts of the fighting adults – and all was healed.

Reading to her later from a Berenstein Bears book.  A feud took place between the bears and grizzlies.  Another example of us vs. them.  So I saw how this divide/us vs. them theme was in the air today.

We need to expose all that has been hidden, yes.  Isn’t part of the nightmare of this experience, beyond the deception, is the power-over crap?  The programmed belief that MY way is better than YOUR way?

If no one is getting harmed or being controlled – WHO CARES HOW ONE CHOOSES TO LIVE HIS/HER LIFE?

Live and let live.

This divide – has morsels of truth from all sides.

We’ve engaged in enough shouting.

Perhaps it’s time now to listen…..and hear.

Love,

Victoria

******

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