a few things “weighing” on me (that i do not align with nor consent to)…
the “resignation” of the IMF head – she is merely going from one position of corrupt power to another.
heather ann tucci jarraf’s “doing’s” are on hold – no movement (being told that is “part of the plan” by some alleged being from the alleged earth alliance).
it was stated on a media platform that the MSM will not fall until 2021.
now it is being stated by certain channeler’s that there is no event – nothing on the outside to break us free of the controls here and that our suffering is merely something we someone imagine with our minds.
well it seems like i woke up to a reality of more matrix nonsense.
heather’s “doing’s” would only be on hold if another force is powering over that (and she has not said a word to confirm this)….so many mixed messages. there IS an earth alliance from Home helping OR running this operation. or there IS no such alliance. WHICH IS IT?! and who is going to start asking the tough questions other than myself?!
the collapse of the MSM in 2021 (which is necessary for ALL to change i read) – what kind of a country/world would we have left? does this include the release of healing tech? i don’t even want to think about my mate’s health in 2 years if he has to wait this long. 2021?? if this is the case this chaos and collapse will continue for another 2 years leaving MORE suffering.
the IMF head moving positions – just another chess piece moving on the board instead of LEAVING….
and now suddenly – no event (which this same “being” has said there would be) – no outside help because this is “law” (even though many of us have ASKED FOR HELP to break out of this controlled experience)?
MATRIX NONSENSE. all of it.
if this IS OUR experience – then WE THE COLLECTIVE say “NO!!!” to ALL of the above games of power over NONSENSE. i don’t know about you but i am g.d. DONE with any being – benevolent or otherwise – dictating how i am allowed to LIVE MY LIFE.
END THIS GAME NOW! the time to walk out of this movie has come.
these proton and electron spikes are something i seem to be feeling in my body. the visual i am getting now is that each “spike” – rather “pokes” my body to pull up and out any false belief i carry about myself and remember my Original concept of Self.
more than once today i have had to say “BACK. OFF.” verbally and energetically. boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. SO vital now to feel and create them.
i see these energies as really pushing people to be who they really are – as in there is no fighting with oneself now. absolute acceptance. i also see where the neglect – the resulting neglect of this realm with its lack of love in all system’s we have all had to conform to and under – is showing itself too – in ways that are horrifying and in ways that are heartbreaking.
i am seeing this play out in my community. while we have shelters for those who are without homes, we don’t have enough of them. and of an even bigger issue is the percentage who struggle with mental illness and thus addiction. from what i am reading of those who engage with these people, most of them don’t want a city/state sponsored shelter. too many rules – the big one being no drugs or alcohol. and that is their salve for their pain.
and this problem – this huge challenge – is being seen by all now and is of no surprise to me that it has increased visibly in correspondence with these increasing energies – the magnetics, protons, electrons, plasma or whatever “they” really are. it is allowing ALL TO BE SEEN. and FELT.
i pause to reflect on what to add next to this. as i do so i glance down at my bare feet in my flip flops. glitter sparkles on the tops of my feet. a previous project today of my child’s. her definition of a “small amount of glitter” differs from mine so there was some sparkle on the table, floor and apparently, on me.
but i’ll take it. i will take it and let myself remember that what i am is Light. Love. and that is what this realm needs now – more than ever.
i leave you with some interesting energy captures from today.
love,
victoria
******
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i feel – sad. late last night i took a cookie out of the refrigerator, poured myself some fresh ginger-root tea and sat on the couch – the only light coming from the light strands hung around the room. i hugged a pillow and sat on that couch and wept and wept. i took in a lot with this JE stuff coming out and had to release my response.
this is just who i am….a highly sensitive being who has never understood – innerstood – NEVER been able to “be ok with” or “accept” the horrors here. all of this horror being brought up and revealed that has been done to the children here – i don’t want to “get it”. i don’t want to “accept it”. and i certainly don’t want to nor need to watch it play out and play this role of observer.
how can one watch this play out by simply observing? this is as heavy as it gets – traumatizing if allowed to seep into the heart and feeling/emotional body. i don’t compartmentalize like that.
today i am heavy with the feeling of weariness i experience in being here – not fitting in. never have. never will. my attempts to “suck it up” and just do are temporary. always have been.
if i chose to come here – well i made a mistake in that choice. and why do we even do that to one another? “you chose to come here” (spoken in holier-than-all of you voice). such pretentiousness. don’t get that either.
it is true as we have read in the Q drops – not all coming out will be for ALL to see. some things are just far too UGH. just like some can eat onions and peppers and spicy foods without a challenge – some of us have more sensitive systems and cannot process. i am one of the sensitive ones.
i am already putting my hand in front of my eyes when i see another JE piece show up. to that i add just one comment – let his victims decide his fate.
for now – i let myself process whatever needs processing and continue on doing the best i can – with self care being priority #1.
on lighter words, i had a carolyn/john dream last night. it was – weird. parts of it felt “real” while most felt compromised. someone else’s version. apparently the power-over continues until the end.
absolute exhaustion. gassy. quite moody. i’ve had a few moments lately where suddenly i am back in a dream i had during childhood. wtfrig? i have no explanation for that but when it happened a third time in a matter of 2 days, i knew something was going on. perhaps i am “unwinding”? perhaps i am merging all of my waking moments and sleeping moments for i do keep feeling i am in a dream within a dream. until i know otherwise, that is the feel….
so here is some info on this ongoing experience we like to say “it’s all about the energiezzzzz”…….for now – i do yoga, breath deep, eat cotton candy grapes (OMGOODNESS are they delicious!) and S L E E P.
i am starting to feel very off about something i see currently being shared – the idea that all is merging back into One. i under and inner-stand that. what i don’t align with however is this idea that we all have to be on the same page.
really?
if this is about Freedom – which i feel it is – freedom from all controls – then doesn’t that include the right to have your OWN experience? love is inclusive however that doesn’t include being forced into sharing the experience of another.
i continue to align with this very basic concept: all merges back into One and in that ONE are a myriad of experiences. spheres within one Sphere. just as there is a vast difference in physical forms – there are differences in experiences. in choices. in our freedom TO choose whatever that experience is.
i do not align with nor consent having to wait because people refuse to awaken. i also feeeeeeeeeeeel many of these “people” aren’t real in terms of humankind. they are serving a purpose – to keep the construct going.
and these messages of “we have to wait for x y z” – yet again – feeeeel to me to be just more matrix programming – from the very controllers themselves who do not wish to give up control and be seen.
we have more than one plan playing out and yet all is connected. this is how i see and feel it. Trump is working with a myriad of people/being’s and has utilized off-world tech to ensure his/that particular plan goes off smoothly and is guaranteed a success. to do that involved using this said tech that allowed for them to plan for every possible obstacle and outcome. has Q ever said words like “we didn’t anticipate people would refuse to awaken?” of course not because they KNEW ahead of time.
so why would off-world beings from an alleged “alliance” show surprise for how some are refusing to budge? wouldn’t they have already SEEN this? aren’t they, after all, in the space of “no time” where ALL exists and ALL flows in the Now?
and all of this being said – wouldn’t there be help and/or the use of tech to help awaken those who aren’t able to for whatever reason?
whose plan is this? don’t those of us who are awake (as much as we can be in this given frequency space) get to have a say? play a role? this is impacting ALL so ALL get to have a role. perhaps that’s why the recent dreams i had of meetings i and others i saw who are in form here were saying “NO DEALS”. and as type these words i feel this also includes “NO STALLING” esp. when this stalling is being used to protect the very ones who created this game.
am i missing something? or am i on to something? a bit of both?
i realize i don’t have the entire picture here and thus i go by my inner Truth Radar. and she raises up immediately these days when i feel something that does not align with me. and such messages as i share above are setting Her off – at the very least – giving me the opportunity to go within and feel this out instead of just taking someone else’s word and their request that we just trust THEM to carry this out.
trust us as we tell you “no you cannot have this experience quite yet”.
we have heard those words before haven’t we – from the very being’s who create and control this very system we are dismantling.
this leads me then – to conclude – that there WILL be what seems like, at first, a “split” when in truth it is still ALL transitioning away from this experience but for those not able to awaken or comfortable to the ideas of Freedom (full ability returned to create ones own experience without ANY power over) – will have that while the rest return to our Original Humankind Experience.
that feels more loving to me than allowing more struggle and suffer in order to bring all on board. that “leftist” agenda of include all and force fit that if need be.
NO THANK YOU.
love,
victoria
******
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today….i am feeling very quiet. vulnerable. very vulnerable. my heart is both quiet, heavy and opening. a lot of tears are flowing and are showing no signs of stopping. feeling the harm of innocence HUGELY today. i had such horrible dreams last night of the sickness – their manipulation tactics and their absolute lack of remorse. that is what i cannot inner or understand. there is evil for certain.
i cry for lost childhoods. i cry for every moment a child’s light is questioned and blown out – bit by bit – until the being succumbed to apathy and the feeling of just never being good enough – the thought that “this cannot really be the reality here”. had that experience far too often.
for now i am feeling another round of “no movement”….a giant pause button pressed down in order to remove the filth from the road. that’s the best description i have to offer. i don’t like it and frankly i’m tired of the over “plan” being played out having more power over my experience where all i can do is “wait it out”. who consents to that? not me. but it is what it is. at some point along this roadway i will once again have full power – full freedom in my moment to moment experience. for now the pause remains and i do the best i can to stay in my heart.
this is an obvious message – but for some reason it synched up with me tonight for it came from within and not through a thought pattern in my human brain.
we have our real authentic selves version and the matrix version. when we are in fear mode – panic, stress, worry, doubting, attacking – we are in our matrix role – the program it/they inserted into us upon entering this realm. in other words that’s who it/they want us to be.
obviously the antidote (kryptonite) to that program is Love. being in the heart. KNOWING who we are. being Courageous. Solid. this came to me from within and i saw a bunch of flashing images. i saw how my parents were designed with their own programs to ensure i received certain programs.
these programs of course can be fully rejected – but who among us knew that as children? the innocent are the easiest to influence – especially when there is a lacking of awareness in who one is. the mind wipe makes that much easier for them to carry out that agenda.
anyway – probably nothing new here – but the feeling within that came with this was – for me. so i thought i would share and see if someone else finds this helpful.
i’m in a car with my mate and we’re out exploring….leisurely driving around when suddenly this huge lake appears off to our left. i got excited and said “hey that’s foster lake! we HAVE to go there! it’s east it’s east!” (foster lake is a lake about an hour east of us) allison coe appears at the shore and then these seals are suddenly there. that’s odd, i think, knowing seals are ocean/salt water creatures. the scene then switches and we are eating a meal before we go – then i comb my hair and my mate’s and the dream ends. i felt both of those things were necessary – for me – before i went to the lake.
interpret away if you wish. the last couple of days i have said if the event/transition and all of “that” that has all but consumed me – called at me – for the past several years is not going to manifest – i am ok with letting it all go. and since making that statement i’ve received many “signs” – which as i said yesterday – is that just another matrix program or the Truth?
i don’t know. but i am just taking this all from a state of neutrality. but i will own that within – deep within – i feel i am “on to something” and these messages were a bit more than just another program.
i did do something today with an experience i did not like and knew it was an injected program. i centered myself – took in a deep breath – refocused on MY POWER – and did a visual of wrapping up that program and delivering it back into the depths of the matrix machinations. after a bit it tried to reappear but i immediately pushed it back with my mind.
something was in the collective air. someone mentioned mercury retrograde but this was different. this was – collective. purging. unplugging perhaps. and definitely feeling the swamp creatures stirring in their fear.
ARGH!!!!!!
deep breathing. CBD oil. bach rescue remedy. and at the end of the day – i simply walked out of the house announcing that it was just ME leaving – with my headphones, portable radio and a quiet visit to pick some blueberries….that was what soothed my inner R O A R.
it was also quite validating to read a local group of mama’s expressing their days with their families. one said she dropped several f-bombs. another said she shouted at her kids to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE and she made them get out. (i can hear the non-parents jaws drop and can see their eyes pop open wide – i used to do the same thing UNTIL I HAD A CHILD). or as i like to say – until i grew a child, birthed it, brought it home and decided to keep it. lol
so the very end of the day included some honest, authentic talk about choices….about understanding….about relationships. we all create the space in this house.
and what i am struggling with is creating my INNER space – which as i referenced above was just all but whacked up and out today. as i said to one of you “i am losing my shit left and right today”….i may have needed to clarify i wasn’t really losing or misplacing things – i was having mini meltdowns. heck i even had one moment out in public where i could not look the clerk in the eye. i was that overwhelmed.
last night i slept straight through. i intended again i was NOT to engage in any meetings. instead – my mate did and had a long night as a result. i also intended to forget all visions and desires of new earth if it was just another program. if i am waiting for “nothing” – well obviously i don’t consent to that. today i was all but bombarded as i headed out with songs about “take me home” and i am waiting for you and “don’t you forget about me” (that last one greeted me immediately upon entering one of the stores i visited).
a message from the Universe or another program? honestly – i don’t know. when the “home” (event) narrative doesn’t align with me, i focus on the changes i am seeing happen. any of you feel you have done all the inner work – and are having a real challenge in expanding your life experience in the here and now and are just waiting for something to shift “out there” to draw you “forward”?
me too.
current physical stuff: a lot of burping lately – including my daughter which makes me think it’s something to do with energies and expansion and whatever else is actually going on that i am not able to see or know just relying on how i feel and that compass is feeling quite old and squeaky these days…..
love,
victoria
******
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editor victoria’s comment ~ i’ve been having the desire to re-read this one and post it again. originally posted in september of 2016, you can say it is the post that really launched this site for, even though it wasn’t my first one, it is the post that put my site on the radar. the message came to me one evening where i was having one of my “I AM DONE” moments. reading this again tonight – i was a bit surprised that i felt as intensely as i did back then and how i continue to hold that inner feeling experience. it simply will not “leave” me – for it is my truth.
i pause as i realize how much more “awakening” i was to undergo. how many more rabbit holes i would venture into and how my perception of this realm and my experience in it has expanded. i have grown into more of Me.
so once again – for those who have not yet read it and for those who have been with me since the beginning – here is the repost of what is probably my most favorite and popular piece.
love,
victoria
******
Let me begin by saying I am uncomfortable using the term “starseed”. It implies that I am somehow better than most other humans – that I am somehow more special. Or needed. However, I use the word nonetheless because for as long as I can remember in this particular incarnation in this particular physical vessel, I have felt like I belong somewhere else. Even though I believe and feel I have lived many lifetimes on earth, I am in some way from another planet. Over the years I have had the thought “Where I come from we don’t do that” – a thought I especially began to experience a couple of years back. Just where is this “where?”
I have no idea. But I do know I have lived elsewhere. And I also feel I decided to leave my paradise behind (paradise compared to earth) and go on an adventure – that adventure being to liberate the people of earth from the darkness that took over many thousands of years ago. Along with liberating the people was the agenda of bringing earth back into the Galactic Universe of other peaceful, paradise-like planets. At the time, I was totally up for the challenge. I felt I could handle it.
Today though is a different story. In a nutshell, I am fucking weary. I have come to this planet so many times to help awaken humanity. With each previous life recall I had nothing but struggle. I was attacked by a bear. Got killed during a bloody battle. Stoned for being out in public as a mix-raced young woman. Drowned at sea attempting to escape an arranged marriage with a beast who only cared about money and power. And in my previous incarnation, I was raped by a priest, forced into an abortion and died on the operating table. So I feel pretty assuredly and strongly when I say that being human in third dimensional reality is fucking hell compared to the higher dimensional planet’s.
But I keep coming back. I believe along the way I got trapped in the reincarnation loop, which I believe is simply another extension of the Matrix. What a wickedly ugly brilliant system to keep us returning – load us up with false light telling us we must have a life review then return to even out our karmic debt – this following a lifetime of systemic brainwashing by schools and religions and government and culture and family and friends that ensures we are obedient to whoever the designated master is all but reassures a quick return to this reality.
Thankfully we the Starseeds began to remember just Who We Are again. And we returned to this place for just one last show – one last chance – to awaken the masses- only this time, our brother and sister star families, along with the Sun and energies coming from the center of our own Galaxy – are helping us make sure we get it right. In a nutshell, this is the last time we’re doing this show. Our final appearance.
That being said however, this girl is tired of trying to awaken the masses. I am fed the fuck up with sharing the truth from my heart only to be dismissed, ignored, abused. I am no longer under any illusion that other dimensional beings, who are intent on keeping us enslaved and trapped in this bullshit most of us call the Matrix, have been working through other humans throughout this lifetime (if not my previous incarnations as well) to keep me down, afraid and silent. For while in this incarnation it worked. I was bullied and teased relentlessly as a child and except for my room, I had no safe place. I had no one I trusted enough to share my heart, my fears. I learned that when I did speak up, I was usually not believed. Anxiety set in at a young age and by the time I was in my 20’s, panic and agoraphobia were more or less the norm. There was a bonus to this though as working outside of my home was just not possible – at least for the long term. This gave me plenty of extra time to think and be – alone – in silence. It was during this time my inner voice found a place to speak.
And speak she did. Wow! Suddenly I was questioning everything. Religion. Politics. School systems. Culture. I dove into books on Spirituality. That was a good start – but it wasn’t enough. I was remembering slowly Who I Really Am. I became fascinated with the paranormal, metaphysics, ufo’s and aliens. Along the way I took up past life regression and began having these experiences that felt completely real to my body. Some of the memories were so traumatizing, my entire body would shake. One experience left me in near hysterics where I literally went someplace else in my mind and memory space and once I had experienced enough, I “returned” to my physical body where I felt like a metal door literally slammed shut in my mind and the memory was immediately gone.
9/11 sparked my next level of awakening. I even had a premonition of the event the day before. It was only days after that I began questioning the story we were being told. I shared my concern with those in my life, and it was then that I really saw how even family can turn against you when you awaken. I got it in spades with politics, religion and social issues.
In time I realized I needed to get my word out to the public so I did what most of us do – I started a blog. I kept it going for several years before life decided to bring me my beautiful child. However, not even the awesome responsibility of being a mama could stop me from my pursuits of knowing the Truth. All I can say is thank god for the internet for it has given so many of us not only the chance to share our message with a massive audience, but it has also allowed people like me (more or less introverted with travel issues) to have a voice in this Awakening/Ascension experience.
My energies to share kept up at a good pace. I was able to, more or less, handle it when others would question me or dismiss me. Having a social media page, I got used to people removing me from their little lists of “people i am such good friends with”. Whatever. Good way to weed out the wheat from the chaff.
However, I don’t know if it’s these energy waves coming in changing me, forcing me to deal with my own shit and purging or if it’s my age – or both – but wow – am I weary of this journey. I am weary of this “awakening the masses” shit I took upon myself. I know what I want. I have known what I want for myself, for my mate and now most importantly for my child and I want it NOW instead of later.
“Be patient,” we are told – quite often by channelers of higher dimensional beings who have no fucking CLUE what it’s like to live on this planet in these bodies. Patient? Really? When we have been coming to this planet for thousands of years we are being told to be patient? Talk about false light matrix bullshit.
I want to know where these star families are. It isn’t enough anymore that I have seen their ships or had dreams and experiences of being with them. IT ISN’T ENOUGH. Not anymore. I have read where we must ALL rise together to the new earth.
Why? Sorry but at this point if you are not awakened – no – if you are UNWILLING to awaken with all of the insanity and chaos and lies and corruption played out every damn day for all to see – then guess what? You can stay behind.
It’s like I and those of you like me have been on a very very very long road trip and at the very least we want a vacation, at the most we want the finish line. We DESERVE that. We have done work most aren’t strong enough to handle. We have risked our reputations, relationships, finances and the like to bring our messages here. And again (signaling the choir) – WE ARE TIRED AND DONE.
Let us manifest this paradise on earth now. We can do it. Let us stop focusing so much of our energies in sharing our messages with the masses and instead focus on what we want and KNOW we can have it. NOW. Thoughts create, right? And these energies coming in are said to help us manifest “faster”. Let’s stop falling for this “we must be patient” chanting. You know the saying – unless you are walking in my shoes you cannot tell me how to think/feel/believe/do. We aren’t children, after all.
I feel many of you can relate to this. I think even though most of us seem to be scattered throughout the planet (this sucks at times doesn’t it?), I also believe energetically we can feel each other. So let’s join together. We can do this.
Are you with me?
***
I realize this piece was like listening in to a counseling session or reading the private pages of a personal journal. I wrote it to not only share my feelings of how truly tired and weary I am much of the time these days, but to also validate the feelings I know many of you are feeling. In my quiet times, I still feel that love for humanity. I still have moments where I want to share my Truth (although that is waning – obviously). I feel the pain of our sufferings. I want ALL of us to awaken and rise together. But life keeps showing me this isn’t necessarily going to be the case. I do not want my precious child to experience the same world I and her daddy have. All of the little ones deserve so much better – we all do. It is long past time for each one of us to not only have this feeling on occasion but to hold it in our hearts daily and walk that inner talk.
