here is the link to my patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/user?u=5626767
i am starting to link more my own pieces and other articles/video’s there. for now most of them will remain public but the plan is to make it a mostly “patron only” site. you can do this for as little as $3/month so a great deal! it is much easier to navigate and is a much more supportive platform – plus far less censoring. for now though this site will remain – just a bit less content.
last night i had a dream i was inside of a restaurant here in town. the street and location felt very specific to me (one of the main roads, east side of the street). as i’m sitting at a table, talking, i felt the need to look out the front windows (that faced west). this massive craft flies over. i point and say “that’s mine!” not sure what that meant – maybe family from home? something i once operated? i was very assured when i said the words. anyway, the manager of the place came over to me and as i was starting to tell him what to do, a group of grey’s flew by headed south. “don’t engage with them,” i said. i felt they were unable to do any harm but their power and purpose was more or less meaningless.
i then did something odd that i am not sure what it represented- legit fear or unnecessary fear. i quietly told the manager to lock the door to keep out any extra people from coming in and to close the curtains. he complied. now why i would i do this? i’m still pondering this one. trying to keep us protected from mass chaos out there? trying to keep ME safe? i know if i were to suddenly know what to do in such a situation, i would not want any crazy type knowing who i am. mob mentality. make sense?
anyway it was a very visual dream – and interesting it happened after i spent some time outside last night – sending out messages to home – stating “i know you’re out there – not seeing anything with my own eyes yet”. i don’t see in the skies what i once did though and that is likely due to my “if you’re just here to show off or control us, you aren’t welcome” energy.
with the sighting’s people are capturing throughout this realm, we obviously are not alone – indeed right now we aren’t. it seems all eyes are on us – perhaps we are the last realm to see a cleaning up…liberation….transformation. at some point we will know all that we seek.
until then i remain, as always, discerning with any outside “visitors” – familiar or not.
the synchronicity came earlier today when i was contemplating the event and how it plays out. i walked into the living room and felt that nudge to look at the tv. “eastern journey” was playing. i thought of yellow rose and her philosophy as i have shared here – the event creates a split – those going the way of the new world of tech, new monetary system, etc. go west. those going home go east.
also had a moment with 7’s. as i was in the car backing out of the driveway, something said look at the odometer. 70.7. i go to my destination and do my thing. as i headed home, traveling maybe one block something said again look at the odometer. 71.7.
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victoria
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was guided to look at the tv first thing this morning ~ saw the song playing (can’t find my way home)… later on at the park, i was going through my notebook and turned to a page from about a year ago – and i was in much the same state within as i am today. i firmly told myself – change it up if nothing out there is aligning with you. change up yourself, girl… because i will not continue to have this inner experience of waiting for this and waiting for that. nor will i continue to listen to those who say “be patient – it’s coming” (the “unfettered access”….the arrests….the collapse of the system….even the event…)
can’t find my way home. you know – a common theme for many of us. and yet acceptance is something i need to do. “somebody must change”. that “somebody” has to be me if i wish to have a different experience. while i (seem to) obviously have zero control over “getting” to this new earth-real earth realm – and wonder if it’s even “real” or if i am going to experience it in this life cycle – i need to change ME so that i do not continue along this path of emotional longing.
and number ONE: i NEED to find another means of increasing my income for my child’s friend just stopped in and asked if our girl wanted to go out to pizza with them and we had to say we just can’t afford it. the little friend asked why – her family does just fine in this regard – so a moment of discomfort.
this brings up a deep rage. if i am serving such a purpose – WTF is the Universe not rewarding me? and why can’t my regular readers toss a few dollars my way each month? that is not asking for too much – not given the amount of time and energy i spend at this each day. this breaks my heart and makes me question why i ever started this site. (for those handful of readers who do donate/contribute – this statement is not intended for you. i am in deep gratitude for your financial support! it took me awhile to allow myself to emotionally accept this support!)
time for new – even if “new” isn’t really what i envision for myself.
still carrying – feeling – the same experience as yesterday. i thought hmmm maybe if i open myself to channeling someone, more will show interest in this page and throw some money my way. perhaps if i turn this into a pay/subscribe only site, i will experience the same result.
but that’s not me. but i am still left with the same feeling of sadness and neglect. kind words and the like do not pay my bills. i log 40 hours a week on this site and i am paid less than a slave laborer in china.
yes i know this site is fulfilling a purpose. and yet again, feeding that heart-based need doesn’t put the food on the table i am now needing to do nor does it buy my girl the pair of tennis shoes she is now needing – or replace the bicycle wheel on her bike.
so for now i am putting my focus on more practical pursuits – the kind that actually pay me for my service. oooh how overly done i am in sharing my gifts for free. i have done it with my music and writing for years. I am valuable. i am worthy.
and what i do has value and has the same right as all else who provide valuable services to receive regular energy exchange in the form of monetary compensation. i know this current system doesn’t provide that the way it could – and needs to – so it is up to me to make this happen – just as it has been all along. and yet i can’t do it alone either. i need support and i am not receiving it in the ways i need.
a couple of last minute tidbits – last night’s dream i was seeing and saying the words “razzle dazzle frazzle bazzle”. lol not sure what this means other than it does seem to resonate with my inner state of “Screw this – what do I do NOW?!” …. there continues to be (a growing number of) people saying october event. many are starting to dream of it and are seeing much of what i saw in early 2017. some are seeing all line up as they saw in dreams of previous months. i just know something has to give because the pressure has built up inside of me to JET – to experience NEW. for now, i am enjoying the day at the park with my girl – finding my joy in that.
love,
victoria
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i am very tired today – emotionally tired. i feel and see many things around me crumbling ~ much like an old shoe that is familiar but no longer fits. i have been allowing for so long. the longing for new and change is always present.
so i stay the course? do i stay in this house – the same house i have seen myself in after all transitions?
is this transitioning happening? is there really change in the air?
i’ve been speaking about these topics for so long – the political chaos and alleged changes (arrests, new systems, etc. etc.) as well as the event…. i have spilled my heart to many in my life – and now i feel i am beginning to look like a damn fool. the woman who cried wolf. after awhile…..
i can accept maybe i have been played – royally. if so, then what?
i need to carve a new way for myself. think about this logically. whenever i follow my heart about “oh what would bring me joy??” – let’s just say that has not worked out for me professionally. AT ALL. of course when i did the system thing – the work for a living – get a job working for another – i was forced out of that as well. in 2002 a friend said “you need to think outside the box. new ways of being and living are coming.”
so i did. and while i was able to get by, i hardly thrived. i write. i play the piano. that is what i do. (i COULD fly if i had access to those abilities – ha) and both of those industries, to thrive, to do well, you gotta sell out – and you also gotta have good connections. i was never willing to sell out and i also have no connections in either industry. i still tried my own way though and experienced the same result – the never ending closed door.
as i lamented to my mate today – trying not to whine but instead coming from a place of pure heart that is in a lot of pain over this ongoing experience to “make it out there” – where do i fit in? what am i really here to do? what the fuck am i even doing here?
where do i fit in?
where do i fit in?
my desire to talk about all that i see – certainly all that i want to see going on with those around me has waned. i kinda don’t care so much right now. maybe it’s time to drop all of th “conspiratorial” stuff and try the practical way of living again. go by what i can see and touch and put the rest aside. many in my life would love to see me do that. be the fake version of me again.
and yet i don’t do fake. so perhaps balance is in store now. keep on being me – yet do some rethinking and focus on where i am NOW – not on where i wish i were or want to be.
the longing for home…..perhaps it is time to just hang that one up. i know we’re not alone. but until i have a fucking conversation in fucking person with one of these twats, i am rather done giving them any sort of my energy.
where are these arrests? people keep suffering – harm being done to innocent people – and yet the perps keep walking the street. damn – someone shows up in public high on meth and they get arrested. sacrifice a child? broadcast it and walk free. NONE of this sits well with me and NONE of it makes any sense. trust the plan. i don’t blindly trust anything or anyone. when i have a question i expect an answer – especially by one saying “trust us”.
maybe this is just all old programming being called up so i can dismiss it for good. i thought back to the dream i had the other night where i saw myself lying on a table. i had the thought today to go back to that dream state experience, walk over to that person and yell “WAKE UP NOW!” perhaps there is more to that experience than i felt at the time.
just as perhaps there is more to the experiences out there as well.
on i go…
love,
victoria
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now that i have the time and space to sit down and do some work, but before i get into the political happening’s (which i may not do so much of because it isn’t joyful), i want to share my experience i had last night while i slept.
i was in this room. there were a variety of tech-looking gadgets. computer screen’s. i looked in the middle of the room and i saw myself, lying on a table. of interest – there was no one else in the room that i could see or sense. i was either sleeping or unconscious. i’m not sure. i wanted to know just what the hell i was seeing and what was going on so i hopped into the body i viewed as “mine”. as i did i began to feel all of these amazing frequency waves going through the body i was inhabiting – almost like sound waves. i could then see them as ripples of energy – fluid-like but not at all fluid as in actual liquid. this was pure energy. there was no place in my body i could not feel these energies. i was beginning to really enjoy the experience – feeling energies of liberation and healing, bliss and a childlike joy – then the experience ended.
was this a benevolent experience? i don’t know. i just don’t know. i can go by how i feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel but given every fucking thing from our thoughts to our feelings to even our alleged “knowing’s” can be manipulated – up and until the deception energy – the POWER OVER behavior – is completely removed. and how i feeeeeel was i receiving some new frequencies which may explain my ravenous thirst today and the thought “drink your water. you need it to integrate.” i also felt quite strong today – especially in the first part of the day. less physically strong and more energy-based strength.
so sounds like a positive, right?
like everything in this land of deception and confusion, we’re doing nothing but guessing. we KNOW the Truth when we can experience the result with our ENTIRE BEING. and yet there is still programming running which tells us we and we alone are responsible for our lives. no one else. the lying and deception and poisoning of the controller’s of this realm on us bear no responsibility. we’ll just put that elephant over here because it’s just too messy to look at it.
so until i have my FULL FREEDOM to explore and KNOW and SEE, all i can offer here is my own experiences and my feelings on them.
but i know one thing – i would never think to tell any of you that YOU are the only Being fully responsible for your life.
oh well – at least what these experiences are allowing for me is to see how deep and vast the programming is and how i still carry some of it. but i do know this – those programs are quite quickly and easily falling away from me energetically. if something doesn’t vibe with me, i quickly push it aside – energetically – from my core. while i can still feel their ugly little “tassels” of energy cords still attempting to reinsert themselves back into me, i dismiss them. they’re just like pieces of paper that blow into my yard, unwelcomed.
i take them, crumple them up and put them in the trash.
something i am quite ready to see happen to EVERY experience of power-over.
that is all for now.
much love,
victoria
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i need to address this as i have had this happen several times over the past 2 years. if you wish to unsubscribe, go to the bottom of any of the emails that come your way notifying you of a post notification. i could unsubscribe you myself, but that would mean having to go through hundreds of e-mail addresses to find that one particular one and i am not willing to do that -too time consuming. this was set up for you to subscribe and unsubscribe at the click of a button. thank you for your understanding.
i feel i have arrived at this cross roads – what do i do? i continue to be banned. most of my posts aren’t going out to my subscribers. post reads are way down. why am i doing this? what’s the point? i’m not getting any real monetary compensation for it. we’re just supposed to “trust” and “allow”. Q says to “trust the plan” – i think we need to be QUESTIONING the plan. whose movement is this? Team Q’s? I feel it’s OUR movement.
what exactly is happening to this realm? to our bodies? are awakening or dying? or a little of both?
i feel i am running out of things to say. posting the circus headlines feels i am not helping the process – this awakening. words words words. funny how i have long been a writer and yet right now, more than ever, words are almost meaningless to me. ACTION is what i need. i have been in this “be in the moment” for FAR too many moments. i have been in this state of allowance and letting go long enough. while i feel too damn tired to DO much – this stay put doesn’t sit with me anymore.
hey universe – that supportive space outside of this realm – can you hear me? girls needs to answers. guidance. a miracle or two. and while you’re at it, shower us ALL with the supportive energies that were once ours, naturally and inherently.
editor’s note: oh my – just reading the opening sentences had my entire chest well up with tears and pain – lots of pain still going on in this body. i have been doing my best to remind myself to pay attention to the words i tell myself. not just about myself but about life. this quiet voice has been nudging me for months to “speak words of love” – not because i am being fake but because my words are powerful and each word spoken in disgust, anger, rage, doubt, sadness sends those frequencies throughout my body – all beginning in my mouth. today i was able to see this – for me much of these energies seem to stay in my mouth. the mail carrier delivered our mail and i went out to greet him and talk with him. he recently was attacked by a dog and it was his suggestion to get an airhorn that we purchased one for myself to keep my girl and i safe at these parks. he shared another incidence and i too shared a recent incidence (did not share here – it wasn’t the dog that was the issue – it was the owner who refused to leash her dogs and antagonized my mate and myself as well as our little girl by bringing the dogs closer to where our girl was playing – oh my god she was horrid!)…anyway so i began speaking about this, my voice raising, heartbeat going up and i could feel my entire mouth swell up inside. the tension. you see, i tend to get angry first. it takes me awhile to reach the pain. and with this recent situation, while there is anger, most of it is pain – pain as in WHY would you do something like this? why would you, an adult, not care about a child’s fear? anyway….ALLOWING myself to revisit the situation just brought it all up again and i was only feeding it by speaking of it.
what is the answer? i don’t know anymore. do any of you ever feel you have been kicked around so long you don’t know where to begin? is crying enough? i’ve gotten good at asserting myself – that doesn’t guarantee an anti-asshole shield though. how do i know when i am “DONE” with a trauma? a painful experience? when i finally decide? when my human me, my brain decides? when my body says so? my soul? when i say “NO” when the emotions come up again? is full healing really possible in this realm with these bodies as they are? i don’t know anymore. i really don’t. so i am reading this piece and see if there are some things i could be different to help heal. i hope some of you can benefit from this as well.
The feeling in your chest just won’t go away, and it’s starting to slowly eat you up each day.
Longing, desire, repulsion, bitterness, heartbreak, sadness, volcanic rage — so many emotions mixed together. So much pain. So much pure and unexpressed suffering.
When will these feelings dissolve? When will you finally feel calm, grounded, and happy again? It all seems like too much for one person to carry. You just want to enjoy life again without the tormenting weight of anguish and bitterness in your chest. You just want to feel whole again.
If you’re currently facing betrayal, abandonment or unfathomable loss, I want you to know that you’re not alone. I know what it’s like to carry so much pain inside of you that you go physically and mentally numb. I know how it feels to carry a shattered heart and a deep void of emptiness within. I know what its like to be on the bleeding edge of despair and utter desolation. And I have seen this struggle countless time in other people too.
But although everything around you may have lost its color, although you’re struggling to make meaning out of what has happened to you, there is hope. Like the moon and stars in the night sky, there are still beacons of light to be found in your darkness. One of these beacons is the practice of letting go.
What is Letting Go?
Letting go means being willing to release the past and future, and live in the present moment. Letting go doesn’t mean forcing yourself to get over it or making yourself forget what happened. Instead, letting go is a process of surrendering painful beliefs and emotions, and welcoming in love, understanding, forgiveness, and self-compassion.
There is no easy quick-fix or five-step-solution for letting go of feelings such as anger, fear, and grief because letting go is a process. It can take a while. But the good news is that letting go is a process that helps us to grow, mature, and find more happiness and inner freedom than we thought ever possible. Sometimes your heart needs to break a little for the light to get in.
What is the Opposite of Letting Go?
The opposite of letting go is attachment. When we attach or identify with our thoughts, we suffer. On the other hand, when we stop attaching to our thoughts and simply see them for what they are: energy that we assign meaning to, we experience freedom.
Common thoughts that we attach to which create emotions such as anger, rage, disgust, disappointment, anxiety, fear, grief, and depression, include:
She should have been a good mother.
If he hadn’t cheated, I would have been happy.
Things should have gone differently.
I should have a much nicer life by now.
He/she shouldn’t have died.
My boss should have promoted me.
If I stay a little longer, he will stop his drinking.
If I did that differently, I would be much happier by now.
She has to change or I won’t find peace.
They are controlling my life.
Everything was much better in the past.
I will be happy in the future when I get what I want.
As self-inquiry teacher, Byron Katie writes, “When I argue with reality I lose, 100% of the time.” But what does this mean?
When we attach to our beliefs about how life should go, we suffer each and every time because we are resisting what is right here and right now. When we resist reality, we also tend to adopt the role of the victim, which causes even greater suffering.
The truth is that how can we 100% know that something is completely good or bad for us? While something like a divorce or death may immediately seem like a terrible thing, how do we know that it is completely bad? Can we see every possible future outcome and consequence of such an occurrence in the present moment? Of course we can’t. Is it possible that such an experience could actually give birth to good things as well? Yet we continue to believe and insist that it shouldn’t have happened when the reality is that it is what it is. With or without our thoughts it has still happened.
Of course, experiencing a loss or trauma doesn’t mean we should ignore how we feel. It is perfectly normal and important to allow ourselves to feel the anger, confusion, grief, fear, hatred, and bitterness within us. But once we start attaching ourselves to these emotions, we experience suffering.
It is our attachment and identification with our thoughts that is the sole cause of our suffering.
42 Powerful Ways of Letting Go
As I mentioned previously, letting go is a process that takes time and effort. There is no quick and immediate way to let go of all your painful feelings. However, one of the fastest ways I have personally found of letting go is questioning and disbelieving thoughts. This method is known as self-inquiry and helps to get to the root of your suffering. Read more about self-inquiry.
However, there are dozens of other practices which can help you start the process of letting go. The techniques I have shared below can help to both indirectly and directly assist you in letting go. If one of these practices inspires you to try something new, share it with me in the comments!
Letting Go of Anger and Rage
1. Allow yourself to scream
Find a private place to unleash your emotions. If you’re too embarrassed to scream out loud, get your pillow and bury your head into it. If you have a pool, jump in and scream at the top of your lungs.
2. Watch something that makes you cry
Sadness is the emotion that often forms a sandwich around anger. In other words, anger is often a form of sadness and vice versa. To access this anger, watch a movie that makes you cry.
3. Write an enraged letter
Let out your rage through writing. Detail every little thing you’re angry about and don’t hold back your feelings. Curse, condemn and threaten the person or situation as much as you like until you’ve exhausted your feelings. Once you’re finished, rip up or bury your letter.
4. Fire ritual
On a small piece of paper, write down the name of a person who has provoked great anger inside of you. Light a candle and drop the piece of paper into the flame, watching as it burns and curls up into ash.
5. Be assertive and take no sh*t
Anger is often the result of not speaking up for ourselves and feeling oppressed by another person. To avoid repressing this emotion, learn how to negotiate and be assertive. Being assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive, instead, it is a healthy style of communication that honors your needs, as well as another’s needs.
6. Do some kicking, punching or intense exercise
Rage and anger are fiery forms of energy that can be healthily expressed through exercise. Try some form of intense workout and make your objective to feel your anger to the fullest.
7. Take responsibility for your happiness
Often, anger tends to be accompanied by blame and criticism directed towards another person. Remember that no one can take away your happiness. As hard as it is to accept, the problem isn’t the other person, it is how you react to that person. Realize that anger is a normal reaction, but it doesn’t need to define you.
8. Notice how much energy anger burns up
It takes so much of our effort and energy to hold onto grudges and bitterness. Notice how forgiveness and letting go of resentment actually increases your energy and fills you with peace.
9. Understand that anger harms you more than anyone
Staying angry at someone hurts you the most. In some cases, anger actually empowers the other person because you’re showing them how much energy and effort you’re putting into hating them. (This is why internet trolls thrive so much.)
10. What people say and do says more about them than you
Whenever another person is unkind or cruel, their behavior is secretly a reflection of how they treat themselves. This sad truth can help you feel better and also practice disarming and letting go of intense emotions.
Letting Go of Anxiety and Stress
11. Find the belief behind your fear
All forms of anxiety and stress are linked to the thoughts in our heads. What underlying belief is causing you such great fear? Remember that the thoughts are just thoughts: they don’t mean anything about you or your life until you give them meaning. So what core belief is triggering your anxiety?
12. Breathe deeply
Mindful breathing is such a simple technique yet one of the most powerful out there. When you focus on your in-breath and out-breath you are essentially drawing yourself back into the present moment. Anxiety and stress develop when our minds get lost in past or future thoughts. So breathing is a simple way of grounding you in the here and now. Deep breathing also stimulates the vagus nerve which sends signals to your brain to calm you down.
13. Use natural soothing herbs
Herbs such as damiana and holy basil are effective herbal remedies for anxiety that help to calm down your nervous system. Once your body is relaxed, you can then begin the process of letting go of anxiety-provoking thoughts. If you are struggling with extreme muscle tension and feel physically crippled by anxiety, you might even like to consider medication for a short period of time. I have nothing against medication: so long as it is a temporary method that is accompanied by proactive natural relaxation techniques.
14. Realize that you cannot control your thoughts
The reality is that we cannot control our thoughts, otherwise, don’t you think we would always choose to think positive and happy thoughts? Thoughts are spontaneous and uncontrollable. Yes, we can force ourselves to think happy thoughts, but this is not a true solution: it is simply a practice of superimposing thoughts on top of other thoughts. Although realizing that you can’t control your thoughts may be a little depressing, ultimately, it is liberating. You no longer have to shame yourself for thinking a certain way or fear that you are not good enough because you can’t think positively. Understanding that you cannot control your thoughts, but you CAN become aware of them, helps you to dis-identify with them, and therefore, stop suffering.
15. Stop fighting how you feel
Resistance to your fear creates even more tension and fear. Instead, allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. Stay grounded through your breath and gently explore whatever is arising inside of you.
16. Stay grounded in the present moment
Practice mindful awareness to take you out of your head and into the present. Notice the colors, sounds, smells, textures, tastes, and different feelings in your body. Anchor yourself to the Now by noticing what is happening.
17. See anxiety as a teacher, not an enemy
When we demonize anxiety, we tend to increase our anxiety; this is because we are resisting what we are experiencing and labeling it as bad. Try to change your perspective. Understand that everything in life can be a teacher if we let it. Anxiety may just be your greatest teacher in life, helping you to develop self-awareness, mindfulness, compassion, and ultimately the ability to surrender to that which is beyond your control.
18. It’s OK to feel scared
It’s completely normal to feel afraid and anxious. So many people out there share your struggles. Being vulnerable to life isn’t a failure, in fact, admitting that you’re scared is actually a form of strength. It’s also normal to feel anxious about your anxiety!
19. Spend time alone to recuperate each day
Relaxing in solitude is so important for our mental health. Our thoughts tend to go a bit wild when we have no time to sit down and breathe. Make sure you spend time alone.
20. Find a relaxation technique
There are so many amazing relaxation techniques out there. Whether it be EFT (emotional freedom technique), PMR (progressive muscle relaxation), meditation, yoga, or something else, ensure you do it daily.
two people in this household had the same dream last night. communication devices were given to us – very high tech – to communicate with “friends”. the message received? 1) get ready. 2) this – the use of the devices – is step 2 of 3. remaining open and discerning – observing.
two sources are now confirming a massive supernova wave is headed our way. supposedly it originally “left” in 2014. nemesis maturity put out a video about this (he’s very mainstream) and neo glimmer is talking about it – saying it’s the final wave. the neo glimmer video is not set to come out until tomorrow. for some reason my mate was able to see this on youtube via ROKU but it is not showing up on his youtube page channel via computer. when i am able to find it, i will link it. for now, here is the link to nemesis maturity. and get this: “the mass ejected by the explosion is purple.”
here is another video of “the event” – some interesting shares.
stay tuned ~ i am sure more is coming. [wp-svg-icons icon=”heart-2″ wrap=”i”]
