This is in tribute to who was most likely the closest friend I ever had – for the longest time too.  18 year friendship that continued until her untimely death a year ago last August.  Well, untimely for me and those who loved her ~ most especially her children.

I miss her most every day.

I miss her a lot right now.

She was one of the very very few people in my life to ever “get” me.

I was one of the few people in her life to “get” her as well.

We were so different in some ways, but also so alike in others.

We had similar, nearly identical challenges.

She too was highly sensitive, amazingly gifted, very intelligent, and such a huge bright light which combined with a huge fear of her amazing self and being hurt, she could only look at the world as a serious threat to her safety ~ something I could relate to very well.

Our conversations were often total streams of consciousness.  Sometimes they would turn into stories.  Both of us being highly imaginative with a wickedly smart-ass sense of humor we once came up with a narrative about a single mother from the south who had a flair for bold patterns of polyester and bright pink lipstick.  Total cliche but hysterical to both of us.

There was also the sharing of our real-life experiences.  When we met, both of us were recently single coming out of long-term marriages.  So we uh, had some fun in our exploring and even more fun as we shared stories of our encounters.  Most of those stories will remain secret forever, including the one with me that involved 7-up in a Dairy Queen cup that ended up getting splattered all over my car (did I say I have a temper sometimes??) and her lamenting over “my alphieeeeeeeeeee”.  We both would laugh hysterically as we would share these experiences while having those tender moments in relishing in our amazing connection, knowing no one but the other would ever “get” it when I would say “7-up from Dairy Queen at the bookstore” or she would say “my alphieeeeeeeeeeeeeee”.

We would have our challenges too.  Ok, those bitch fights.  They were nasty at times.  I wasn’t against dropping the “f” bomb.  She would pretend she was too proper to use such language and how appalled she was by my use of language~ which was a huuuuuuuge lie.  lol  She could swear up a storm when she wanted.

We were really sister’s – just with a different mother.  And father.  We loved each other like sister’s.  Fought like sister’s.  Shared every thought and opinion and feeling and experience like Sister’s.

The phone calls would go on for hours.  Our record was 8 hours.  And yes, for the curious, we ate when hungry and went to the bathroom when needed – never taking a pause in the conversation.  We were that amazing in our ability to gab.

We had periods of time when we didn’t speak.  That was usually after a fight.  But then time would pass and one of us would reach out to the other, at times the apologies would fly, other times we just went right back to this beautiful complex thing of being girl friends.

As I said above, usually that’s what would cause us not to speak.  Except for the last time we spoke.  We just kinda stopped talking.  Not for any reason. It wasn’t due to any conflict.  It just happened.  And then I had the sudden hunch I needed to look at her son’s facebook page.  As I pulled it up my heart sunk.  Her son had a picture of his mom as his updated photo.

I knew.  No one had to tell me.  I knew.  I could feel it.  She was gone.

I found her daughter on facebook and reached out.  I heard back immediately.  She and her brother had been trying to find me to let me know their mom, my beautiful most special friend I had ever had had died just a couple of weeks prior after a short (as in weeks) battle with cancer.

I don’t want to focus on that because I already have here in a post from long ago.  And it wouldn’t be what she would want me to focus on.  She would want me to end this with something silly ~ which she did well.  Very well. She was the friend who would dress up as a baby on halloween with like little effort and pull it off brilliantly.  Aside from Christmas, she loved halloween.  She also loved birthday’s and would go all out.  Over the years I had some beautiful cards with amazing decorations.  Her silly made her amazing with young children and puppies.

So how to end this then.  I don’t know if I can find the silly in how I am feeling now.  I just miss her.  Right now, a lot.  I have still not gotten used to not pulling up my e-mail and sending her a message.  Something happens, I want to tell her.  I think that’s the most difficult.  When you experience something, a challenge, something dramatic or silly or amazing and the first person to pop into your mind is no longer here in which to share.

And yet she is around.  I suddenly felt her tonight after not feeling her for quite awhile.  She did come around after she passed and gave me a pat on the shoulder then a visual with a marigold – one of her favorite flowers. Flowers ~ one of her many “things”.

Silly.  Hmm.  Ok, I will end this with a story then.  It’s about a girl name Susie who came into this world, light so bright, she scared those redneck hillbillies around her, including her sister whose name was Marge and well let’s just say the nickname for her sister rhymed with Marge and began with the letter “L”.  Continuously misunderstood by her family, she channeled her light into her artwork.  In time, she hooked up with a rebel she came to call Miss V.  Together, these two figured out how to solve the world’s problems, which included paying mother’s and housewives half a million a month, making politicians pass lie detector tests and getting rid of football. They wrote stories together, at times songs, although they never quite finished them.  There was always something new and more interesting to talk about.  Sharing a love of puppies, they also had the attention span of a puppy at times.  Both though shared a common vision ~ a world lacking in love.  Seriously lacking in love.  She knew love solved everything.  They both did.  And while their vision still flickers, it is a little less bright after her departure from this realm.

Which means the one still behind, Miss V, needs to hold that flame that much stronger and brighter.

I miss you Susie Q.

Miss V.