Category: Daily Notes

 

actually, there is not much to reflect on.  i would – if i could – but my brain is focused on two things yesterday and today:  sleep and eat.

it’s as though suddenly i am eating and sleeping for multiple versions of myself.  or perhaps a more accurate description is a part of me is suddenly birthed – a newborn baby – and i require eating every hour and sleeping – well more than i am which is approximately 11 hours at night and an hour nap in the evening.  that helped last night.

tonight?  no.  still needing more sleep but first my body is requiring yet more food – and water.

last night i read a couple others on this same journey/focus ask if anyone is suddenly ravenously hungry.  it’s as though i have the hollow leg theory – i eat and eat but where is it going?

very strange.

and for now – i’m going with it.

my mate reminded me of what i began feeling about 2 years ago – the closer we get to that moment, the more i will need to sleep.

i wonder if it’s too late to CANCEL/CLEAR that one.  this is a bit much.

i end this piece with the recent schumann image.  sharp jolts all night and into today.  i woke up this morning and had – yet again in recent days – the thought:  am i losing my mind?!  one of you sent me a message early this morning that greeted me as i turned on my phone:  “I am losing my mind”

well i do know this – as i read over 20 years ago – to know Source/Self – you gotta be out of your mind.

how are all of you doing?

love,

victoria

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i wanted to drop this one here awhile i’m in between doing’s for the day.

while out and about earlier, i reflected on a message Vincent Kennedy (twitter – below) shared….given what i have read and heard from others, publicly and privately, the struggle that really kicked in last week continues. i want to know what is behind this energy/experience that is impacting so many of us – including those who don’t feel or aren’t in tune w/the idea of a spiritual and universal war.  that alone is what convinced me today this isn’t just my personal stuff i am feeling.  it goes beyond that.

Interesting Morning Patriots.

There is a disturbance in the Vibe.

Not sure what its about yet.

— Vincent Kennedy (@VincentCrypt46) February 25, 2020

so here is what came to me.  the Big Us on the outside is awake now – at least awake enough so that we are feeling the expansive nature of what this Universal Clean-up is about.  the more we fully awaken here AND there the more we feeeeeeeeeeeel what’s going on.

it is my feel we are all tuned in together – like one giant radio – and we are feeling E V E R Y T H I N G – far easier than ever – the experience itself (the ability) expanding.

i was asked for advice today.  ha!  i didn’t and still don’t have any suggestions much less some useful answer as to how to ease the suffering/struggle so many are currently feeling and experiencing.  so i created a vision of comfort and support enveloping this person.

perhaps that’s all we can do for one another right now when any other ability to assist isn’t doable.

i am reminded of a song i wrote almost 20 years ago – one line in particular. “reach out to me and i’ll reach to you.  take my hand and hold on.  just hold on…and it will be alright.”

love,

victoria

i forgot to include an ongoing experience of being bone-chilled cold.  last night we had the fire roaring – the heat was on in the bedroom and i was underneath flannel sheets, blanket and comforter and could not stop shaking.  i was also hit with a wave of nausea – which is a very unusual “symptom” for me.  cbd oil didn’t help nor did heat so i just went with it and after about an hour or so, fell asleep.  today the temp is in the low 60’s and sun and yet i continue to be very cold.  yesterday the sun was out as well and i had on a sweater, winter coat, leg warmers as i went on a walk.  this is not like me!  lol

 

I just read the following statement:

“The bravest thing I ever did was continue my life when I wanted to die, and nobody really knows.”

I don’t know what is more powerful and requires the most strength:  Having that experience or hearing someone you care for share those words AND just sitting there w/them and hold space to allow them to have such deep, intense emotions.

Today, as I wrote earlier, was difficult ~ on a new level.  I felt a depression all day I could not shake ~ and I am still feeling it.  I thought it was just me having a depressive episode, and yet I felt it was something else – something deeper.  Perhaps part of it due to the KB ceremony today as I mentioned- but even after I wrote that, I couldn’t align w/that one fully.  It was something else.

Browsing around I saw a post on an Event board in which I belong and someone asked the following:

“Did anyone feel a massive wave of sadness and physical depression today?”

oooh oooh me me me, I immediately thought – relief setting in.

I wasn’t alone!  lol

Over 400 likes and over 300 responses thus far tells me this was collective.

Something is guiding me to help purge that one ongoing persistent feeling I have carried w/me this entire experience – going back to even childhood: WHAT AM I DOING HERE?  and WHY AM I EVEN HERE?  I DON’T BELONG HERE!

I read of many longing for Home at that deep level today.  The deepest of the deepest.

Even though this experience feels like it “snuck up” on me – I have a quiet suspicion w/in that this experience merely built up all last week and hit a peak level high today.

So I am going to do what I can to release this sadness.  All else, at least today, has been just a distraction for the real focus that calls me.

Anyone else having the same experience?

Love,

Victoria

a few of the lyrics in this song were going through my mind today and tonight – quite strongly so i thought to share it….

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our forecast had been for rain….

instead we had strong winds all night.  today – that continues.  sun.  and much to our surprise – light flecks of snow.  and it’s in the upper 40’s.

we were heavily sprayed yesterday and within hours, the air became very chilled (after a few days near 60).  i recalled the words of SB2 and some others who said the chemtrail program is now under WH control and what we see is healing us and the planet.

i’m not feeling that.  perhaps that “some day soon” scenario – but for now, no.

we are also having unwanted dreams and unwanted dimensional beings visiting.  all of us went to bed much earlier than normal – and for my mate and i this was after we had a 45 minute nap after dinner.  absolutely spent at the moment – after feeling a nice lift.

i continue to intend what i want…need….desire.  use the tools, the resins, sage, etc.  and i will continue on for as we read this is a silent war – but a war nonetheless.  outside “may” be over – but it continues inside.  apparently.  i don’t consent to it – but i do consent to the end of the games of deception and enslavement that have been played out here.  so i do what i can to assist.

for now – it is a down day of rest and finding peace.

love,

victoria

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well tribe – the sentiment today – at least earlier in the day was UGH! survival needs.  financial and relationship struggles.  trauma’s getting triggered H U G E L Y.

after a challenging nights sleep where all in this house had poking dreams, i woke up feeling an even new level of DONE.  before i went to bed last night i was the epitome of “fit to be tied”.  not pretty.

the feeling lately – rather bi-polar.  for me.

and given the overwhelming number of public and personal messages i read and received this morning and today – i quickly realized i was not alone in this current experience.

thank goodness as i really was wondering if i was indeed losing my mind – actually if i was the only one. i figured ok if we’re all losing our minds together so be it.  don’t want to do THAT one alone.  ha.

so no – not losing our minds in the way we are shown here.

maybe just losing and releasing what isn’t mine.

and perhaps too also just getting plain ‘ole attacked.

so….i made the choice to work with this experience.  actually a better term is play.  i played with it.  i had my trauma integration session today and before i left the house, i let myself first write, then speak the words behind the feelings i was having today – out-loud.  alone.  i just went with it and let it out.  this helped.  and unlike last nights releasing, i felt i had supportive energy.  that feeling was subtle – but definitely noticeable.

so….by the time i arrived to my session, i was feeling inspired.  during today’s treatment, i went to a core wound – and found an empowered place again – in a way i haven’t felt so purely in years.  you know how it goes – you speak the words on how you want to feel – but that doesn’t always align w/the the wounded voice within.  today – the feeling within synched up w/the words i spoke.

asserting my needs.

stating my value.

feeling my value.

I AM THE VALUE.  i got that today.  i just GOT it.  i haven’t written of that yet here as the term has left me rather confused.  what does it mean:  “I am the value”.  i have been searching for that feeling lately – what is this for me?

for me – this is my experience for now – the current healing – owning my value.

when i am in that space i create good, solid boundaries.

i align myself as pure equals with others (instead of either feeling less than or when i go to the opposite – better than).

and i assert my needs.

and with that i bring this to the table:

My work i do here on this website has value.

and it is work i do here and provide every day.

if you are a regular reader and you find value in what i do, i request of you to provide an energy in return by donating.

it is time to step it up.

show my work has value to you.  show it is worth my time and energy to keep this site going.  even just $1/month which all can do. as i have said – all providing just a couple of dollars adds up each month.  i see the work i do here as being no different than going to see a counselor or having some energy/body work done, buying a self-help book, purchasing a space in a webinar or even hiring someone to come provide a needed repair.  what IS different is that i leave the amount up to you.  

share.  like.  subscribe.  and donate.  easy peasy!

i wanted to share an idea i had today while i was feeling inspired – sitting in my car in the moments before i walked into the building for my healing session….an idea of how we can support one another through this.

if there is something you need – pass it on to me privately (via the “CONTACT” option on the main page) and i will share it here.

if it is a need that cannot be provided for by anyone in this space, we can hold that need in our vision and hearts and call forth the experience needed to surround the person.

together and with effort and persistence we can create amazing things for ourselves and one another.

as i told my mate last night:  “i am going to manifest firewood for us to last as long as we need.”

as i end this writing, we now have 3/4 of a cord of wood out back.  the cost?

free.  (they needed the wood gone – it saved them a costly trip to the dump. so a win/win deal!)

one last thought – about wtfrig happened last night and into this morning. my feel is an attack of some sort went through the matrix – and then early this morning those energies were cleared – at least greatly lessened (although i visualize it clearing out totally and permanently).  interestingly enough, checking on the schumann, there is a 6-7 hour gap of missing data – which began around 11pm pacific time (here in the states) and ended around 4am.  and wow was i a royal mess during that time both in waking and sleeping state.  shaking off the residual experience when i woke up, grumpier than i can recall feeling in a long time, and working through it, i was rather surprised at how supported i felt in doing this.  truly – i was surprised.  last night i cried and wrote to release – none of that worked for me.  at all.  and so that’s why i also began to freak out a little bit – maybe i am losing my mind.

i take this as an indication it will be easier to release these experiences.  we have been hearing this for awhile – perhaps that has now made its way to us.  MAY IT REMAIN.

that is my wish for every one of us.

love,

victoria

 

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so…..i get up and do the usual……….

i check headlines…..same chaotic nonsense

the schumann…..yeah it has spiked.  again.  so what?  we’re still HERE.

new messages from this alleged narrative of “Home”.  “soon”.  “awhile.”

so frigging what?

try something new, i am told…………..lolololol

NEW?

really??!!

i have no CONCEPT of what is “new” here.  been there done that D O N E.

i have been thinking outside of this matrix box for over 20 damn years.

i have asked for help with a variety of things…..promotion….increasing my income….$$ help for the work I do…..

today i feel completely fully utterly used, abused, tattered, stripped apart, spent and quite DONE.

DONE.  fully totally DONE.

i have no more “answers” for myself.

deep breaths…………..self talk………..tapping…..meditation………playing music………holding on to faith and hope…….visualizing…….blah blah frigging BLAH

all of it – TEMPORARY cover-ups for the truth:

i am alone here.  i always have been.  i don’t fit in.  i never have.  i have never authentically felt comfortable in my own skin here.  who i am and what i desire for myself – you know – that right to create my own experience freely – just ain’t happening.

so……….more hurry up and wait?  soon?  awhile?

today this provides me absolutely no comfort.  the only thing that does is my bed with the covers thrown over me.  i would rather “wait” there instead of doing this daily nonsense i have been doing.

over and out.

love,

v.

 

A very amazing, majestic thing happened today.  A Hawk flew onto our property, landed at the top of our American Flag, stayed for just a moment then flew off.

A first.

There wasn’t time to capture it on film.  My first thought was this had something to do with where we are in restoring not just the country of America but all lands.  GAME OVER.

According to Native American Spirituality, when Hawk presents herself to you, she is guiding you to follow your instincts, your inner Divine and often, this signifies leadership and new direction – literally getting ready to spread your wings and fly to new heights.

Love,

Victoria